10 Years Ago...
The amount of "full circle" moments I've been quietly experiencing recently has been astronomical.
Trying to write this post has taken numerous attempts as I keep getting lost in thought as the memories come flooding back to me. It's like the perfect movie made just for me playing in front of my eyes as I type these words.
💔 A decade of trying. A decade of heartbreak. A decade of work. 💔
Around this exact time in 2010 I was being whisked away to Los Angeles, filming a music video for "If You're on the Same Level," deferring my college education to chase my dreams head-first into the concrete wilds of the Music Industry.
I had no idea the amount of pain and sadness the following years would bring as my personal and family life went up and down. My parents divorce, my time at Starbucks, paying $20,000+ for an album that failed when it came out, very dark spells of depression, an infection that almost killed me...
Somewhere along the lines I lost count of all the times I was told to "grow up and get a real job." To stop being a silly little dreamer and "let the music be a side thing."
The amount of times people literally laughed in my face when I said I wanted to be a pop star became unreal. Everyone jumped to diminish my music, criticizing every lyric, melody, sound, and rhyme.
When every heartbreak happened, people swooped in to tell me to "let go" of my music, attempting to break my heart further into multiple pieces.
🧠 And, up until recently, their voices stayed living rent free in my mind. 🧠
Serving that eviction notice will probably go down as one of the best things I've ever done for myself. If there's anything I would tell Jon-Jon of 2010 it would be this:
Don't. Ever. Stop. Trying.
This is what I want anyone who watches my videos on Tik Tok or YouTube or where ever to take away. Don't ever stop trying even on the nights you've got nothing in your cupboards and have to eat a can of tomato paste because that's literally all you have and can afford. 😅 If music is your passion, everything else becomes secondary. Back in 2010 I couldn't understand that and often went back-and-forth about if my passion for music was "real."
Until I lost it in 2019 and realized just HOW MUCH it was my lifeline. When my hard drive crashed and I lost all of my project files for "Utopia" and "Ouija Board," I realized the deep connection to music that was in my soul. It turns out one of the worst moments of 2019 taught me the most about myself.
So now it's 2020.
Everything, no matter how small or minute, that is happening in my music career is a win for me. No one else may see it that way, but it is to me. It's a testament to myself that I CAN do this. I was BORN to do this. There is so much value in all of the views, comments, DM's, shares, other artist's success brought about from my content, like it's all a win for me. It's a beautiful moment that I'm going to cherish every second of, no matter how stressed or frustrated I may get.
"Grow up and get a real job."
OK, I did. 🙃
📖 This next chapter is going to be fun. 📖
Thank you to everyone who is in my corner and supporting my videos, music, etc.
It all truly means more to me than you'll ever know. 💗
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